I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
