apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
