At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize