I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
