i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
