1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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