Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Green mimosas i think yes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
