The maid of honor just puked.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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