u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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