Pappa wants mamma naked
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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