my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
