hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
