Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
