imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
