Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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