I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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