I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
