I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
