brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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