so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
