Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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