I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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