When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize