i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
