Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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