don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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