R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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