Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
