So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
