Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
