Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My penis needs a shock collar
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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