what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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