I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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