fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
