Can i not drive my cunt home
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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