i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
