Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
