did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sorry about my life...
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