She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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