how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
