Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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