I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
