He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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