my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize