My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
