Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
