Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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