I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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