Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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