Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
