Sry I called you an 8
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
