So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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