Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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