woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Shame - the story of my life.
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