I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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