the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Boobs speak an international language.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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