I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
