I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
