There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize