And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize