Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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