THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
